I found out I was pregnant June 18, 2008.
According to the gestational chart, this was around 4.5 weeks, in the early stages of when take-home pregnancy tests can just begin to detect the hCG hormone.
The following two weeks were tough as I came to grips with the reality that I'm becoming a Mommy, I'd be a single-mom at that, along with the hormonal emotional waves from the pregnancy. But after those two weeks, by some sort of strength that could only come from God, I was lifted from my pit and an overwhelming joy has enveloped me since.
This little Baby has been deeply loved from the very beginning.
And I cannot explain the extravagant joy and ridiculous happiness I have every day thinking about Baby Mason. I tell just about everyone that I can't stop smiling. I will be working throughout the day and just start laughing thinking about how much I love this little guy. And he's not even here yet!
But today I cried...
I booked my maternity photographer yesterday and was telling Mom about this and recapping why I feel it's especially important for Mason to have a connection and understanding of who he is. Of how very loved he was even in the womb, of where he was formed and prayed for even before birth, of how beautiful his life will be even before he enters this world.
I have no doubt in my mind that Mason will have a family, a church community, and my closest friends who will surround him with so much love that he won't ever have reason to question if anyone loves and care for him.
But then the reality that he will grow up in a single-parent home brings up questions like:
Will he feel completely loved without a father?
Will he be able to find his masculinity without a father?
Will he blame his Mommy for bringing him into the world this way?
Oh sweet Baby Mason! It does me no good, nor little Mason, for me to worry about these things. God has always provided and He will take care of us regardless of my insecurities and doubts. Thanks Momma for helping remind me of that.
{BTW, this will not be published in his Baby Journal!}
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"Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." Ephesians 3:20-21
3 comments:
Oh, Amanda, I have no idea how you feel right now, and I have no answers! But you're right--God has ALL answers and power!
It's amazing to see how much love Mason has already--from God, from you and from others! Take care, girl, and I'll be praying for both of y'all.
Hey Amanda. I can guarantee you something, this will not be the only time you cry. Believe me, my emotions still run wild and I am not pregnant anymore. Just know that you and Mason are loved and with support from friends and family, you will make it through your ups and downs. You are in my prayers. Love ya!
You have a great attitude Amanda, it's amazing how addaptable and accepting kids are. Don't be hard on yourself - I'm sure Mason will be the most loved child in the world and he will know it too. God is with you now and will continue to be there in the tough times - I'm glad you already know this. God Bless! Tracey x
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